I’m gonna scream if I hear ‘self-regulation strategies’ one more time
Neurodivergent folk are being given advice that misses this key point.
Okay, Queen… I’m about to get on my soap box for a hot minute because I swear if one more person talks to me about ‘sElF-rEguLaTiOn’ strategies and lists things like fucking mindfulness for ND folk I am about to screammmmm
…*sigh*
Ok, I'm good. But for real though, what is with the buzz word bullshit about being able to ‘self-regulate’.
Sure I would love to be ‘always calm’ but can we be done with perpetuating this fantasy.
Regulated is not always Calm, and there is no point in another strategy, self-care exercise or cheat sheet of ‘rEgUlAtIoN hAcKs’ if you don’t know when to use them.
And I would say, just about EVERY single ND person I’ve worked with has some sort of difference in being able to recognise WHEN to use these strategies.
I am tired of ND folk being made feel like if they just tried harder,
If they just found the magical secret special sauce and put it on a taco (why a taco I don’t know it felt right go with me) - that they could be able to self-regulate, and then they would feel more in control.
People would take the seriously in business, other wouldn’t call them too much.
But here is my mic drop moment.
The message is all about being able to self-regulate but they’ve got it wrong.
We don’t need self regulation - we need:
Awareness of when our nervous system is becoming heightened and heading into a survival state
We can only do that if we practice the skill of recognising the body signals that tell us it’s happening which are usually harder for ND folk not just because they may not notice the signals, or but because they can’t switch up attention from one thing to another and back again.
We need permission to jump off the cliff, and into the sea of our ‘expressing feelings’, instead of standing on the edge with our heels dug in trying desperately to avoid being swept over the edge.
We need the skills to be able to swan dive into that shit, and swim to shore, moving THROUGH how we are feeling.
And in all of that - It’s not about not crying.
Its not about not having meltdowns, or big feelings or expressing them. We experience the world more intensely of course we have big feels about it!
It’s about how do you move your nervous system through those feels, and keep out of a survival state; or to be able to return from that survival state faster.
I can’t not get on my soap box about it, because truly, strategies without the added context - the understanding when to use them and allowing expression - they are just false hope. And I am not about our community being given false hope.
I know I won’t be able to cover EVERYTHING but I want to talk more about this, and I’ve put aside 1.5 hours on the 18th of March 2026 if you are keen to join me.
I will record it if you can’t make it, but I’d love to see you there.
Big Love
Giarne
this is my perspective as a lived experience educator, not clinical advice